Why I Love My Partner Rene’

I am not big on the idea of public displays of affection (known in the biz as PDAs). Nor am I too hot on the idea of telling loved ones just how much I love them via social media–when I can just walk in the next room and tell them myself. In fact, my philosophy has long been that those couples who continually post love notes and “lovey dovey” pictures of their significant other on social media are likely the ones struggling the most in their PLLs (personal love lives).

It is as if the posting and public displays will somehow compensate for a struggling connection and perhaps may set the course straight. Or, maybe, we would just like to provide the world with an impression of our relationship that it is ideal when, in reality, it is far from it.  I have known far too many men and women on a personal relational level who I know are struggling greatly in their PLLs…yet one would NEVER know it via their social media. The deeper the struggle comes a commensurate rise in the “lovey dovey,” carefully crafted, impression given in their social media lives.

Ahhh, social media. The king of impression management.

Regardless of the motivation, this is my evolving and working theory in regards to interpersonal communication and technology. Therefore what I am about to write does not fall into this category. Or I do not think it does…at least on a conscious level. What I am about to write is not a description of my loving relationship; rather it is a tribute to the person, my partner, whom I deeply love. It is about her…not me…not us…her and only her.

So why this and why now? Two reasons:

One, I am currently reflective as this month marks the 31st year we have been officially together, 35 years unofficially, and we typically like to honor the other with our thoughts and feelings. Secondly, I would like to go public with my sentiments because we live in a world of divorce, strife and relational hardships…our relationship is a sign that, with creative and outside-the-box problem solving and thinking, long-term love and devotion can indeed exist.

To begin, when I tell people I have a partner named Rene’ they immediately think he is a gay Spanish dude. Far from it, Rene’ is very much a female who is my partner. Why partner? You can read about that here.

Rene’ is a partner in nearly every sense of the word. We partner in parenting, we partner in finance, we partner in domestic duties, we partner in nearly all aspects of our lives. Through mutual support, we even partner in our freedoms.

I have told Rene’ on a number of occasions that her funeral eulogy will be so unfortunate. In a time in which we whitewash and sing the praises of even the most miserly souls when they depart, people will be singing the saintly praises of Rene’ and only I will know that, not only are all the praises going to be true, they will also not go far enough in their exaltation.

She is selfless, deeply caring, deeply passionate, and without question the most loving person I have ever met.  Her life is a devotion to everyone else. When you ask her a “favor” she does not view it as a burden, rather an opportunity to practice who and what she really is…a continual and full-time giver.

Stories? I have far too many accounts that demonstrate the lengths she will go to serve others. If you are reading this and you know her, I am quite certain you do as well. 3am and you need a friend? Rene’s goodness knows no time and place. I guarantee it.

Yet, her hyper-kindness only scratches the surface of her greatness.

She is an impressive professional who owns and operates her own vocal coaching business. Her students will testify to her amazing ability as a professional and vocal coach. Even though her goal is for every student to nurture their inner voice and use it to serve humanity as a whole, this does not mean that many of her students do not go on to professional fame on broadway or television…they do.

She can vocally coach you to be the best singer and performer you can possibly be…you might say she is the self-actualization coach of the vocal world.

In her 40’s she went back to college and earned both her bachelor’s and master’s degrees, not to mention her certificate to teach college reading. I have NEVER met another person with her work ethic…ever…and I know some pretty hard working people.

Personally, she strives to be the best Rene’ she can be. At the age of 50, she took up pole dancing and prances about on the pole like a child on the monkey bars during morning recess. She sings, she dances, and extracts all the youthful exuberance possible out of life. It is of little surprise that many of her closest friends are half her age as her physical years and spirit years are not at all aligned -with the latter being decades younger.

I said this was not about us…and it is not. Certainly I love her with all my heart…though who would not? Loving her is like loving breathing…what is there not to love? It is I who is blessed and showered with her goodness everyday, all day.

Damn did I get lucky. Rene’s is probably the only person on the planet who lets me be completely me…who wants me to be completely me, and if you know me, well, I’m just sayin….

There you have it. Probably my one and only shot at “tributing” the love of my life on social media.

And, hey, if I can find it, I know there is hope for all of us.




  1. “Ahhh, social media. The king of impression management.” This is a great line. I think it is nice to keep your PDA private, but every once and a while public recognition is nice to. Some performances deserve a standing ovation.

  2. I totally agree about people posting on social media. They aren’t trying to draw attention from their loved one, It’s about drawing attention to themselves. I feel that public displayed of affection on social media is narcissistic. Men post in hopes to attract other women. Women post to protray a better life to other women. If it wasn’t about narcissism then they would keep it between one another. You don’t hear to many long lasting relationship now days. Congratulations on 31 years, sounds like you picked a good one.

  3. I smiled the whole time reading that. It has been over ten years since I have had the privilege of being in rené’s space but the way you described her is how I remember her. She bursts with life and energy. She is a free spirit and I love how she inspires others to let their greatness shine through them like hers does. It hasn’t come without pain, hard work, and going against the currents of “normal” life but she is courageous and moves forward with what she passionately believes in. I will never be the same again after being influenced by you two. It would almost be easier if I didn’t have your ideologies tucked inside of my heart and mind but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I like who I am growing into because of your influence. I love love love the relationship you have with each other. I don’t know how it all works but it does and not only does it work for you, it SINGS! Thank you for letting us hear a snippet of your song.

  4. Oh my goodness! I thought I was the only one who felt that way about posting all the lovey dovey stuff on social media. I even started to question my own personal beliefs about this because many people post how much they love their spouse on social media. I felt bad, for about a second, that I do not do this myself.
    What a wonderful tribute you gave your partner. She seems like a great person.

    • Thank you Monique! I suppose everyone has their own personal reasons for posting what they post…I have just personally, and quite anecdotally, see some correlation between strife and lovey dovey posts. Hope you are well!! How the hell are your kettle balls?

    • I wish you would have known me 20 years ago Baba…not so soft then. Now I cry when someone strikes a deal on Shark Tank. I’m terrible.

  5. What a beautiful homage to a well deserving and amazing wife, mother and friend! Rene’ is one of those rare people ANYONE is blessed to have in their lives!

  6. What I loved most about this post was the short and concise explanation as to why you call Rene your partner. “Rene’ is a partner in nearly every sense of the word. We partner in parenting, we partner in finance, we partner in domestic duties, we partner in nearly all aspects of our lives. ” (Professor Urbanovich 2016). Upon reflecting on your post dedicated to your beloved partner Rene, I could not help but to think of my personal desires to get married one day. Although I have endless positive aspirations to one day have a fruitful marriage, the thought of marriage also provokes negative emotions within me about having to lose my last name. I feel that this action strips away from the notion behind having equal roles in a partnership. I truly hope that my future partner will grow to understand my standpoint on giving up my last name and will in turn be supportive of my desire to retain my last name while at the same time gain his. I want to acknowledge that I hold a bias because I posses two last names, one of which is my mothers maiden name and the other which is of course my father’s last name.

    (I am truly sorry if it seems that I am taking away from this beautiful post by in turn expressing the thoughts that jumped at me when I finished reading Why I Love My Partner Rene’).

    I want to point out a bit of what we learned during the span of this semester which is that we speak around 150 words per minute but our brain thinks around 750 words per minute. This post is a result of a couple of those thoughts buzzing around in my brain.

  7. WOW….your tribute to Rene was absolutely beautiful and heartfelt. I pray to God that I meet a man that feels that way about me! A man that sees the goodness in me and want to shout it out to the world. God bless you and Rene. I think the both of you are lucky to have each other 🙂

    • Hello Dianthia…thank you! When I wrote this a year ago, I really did not want to come across as this being about “us” rather it was about her. Yet I suppose that is very difficult to separate. I think we have been very fortunate to have changed in very similar ways over they years. We are not remotely the same people we were 36 years ago and now enjoy the consequences of continually adapting to change and continually redefining who we, both as a couple and individuals,are. Thank you again for your kind words!

  8. This article was very sweet! Makes me look forward to love! I also think social media relationships, vary. I think some truly want to make it seem as they’re happy and others post just to make their significant other happy.!

  9. The tribute to Rene is lovely; however, I’ll respond to your comments about social media posts.

    It’s dangerous to assume that all people, or all couples, are the same. There are so many variations in the world. Our personality type (I’m a Myers-Briggs fan, personally), how we look, intelligence level and type, talents, interests, and every micro event that happens throughout life shape our world, views, and how we operate. Put two (or more) people together and the dynamics become an even more unique and complicated animal. To group them all together and say, “All people do X because of Y” is simplifying humanity far too much. I’ve known those you speak of, but I’ve also known couples who are very much in love and show that on social media.

    Social media is one form of communication. Just because others can see what is said, doesn’t make it a less valid form of communication. I personally hate being overheard when I am talking in public, so I speak very quietly, but I have no problem with people seeing what I write on social media. I’m a writer, it’s how I communicate best. Others have opposite feelings. Both are valid. Even Socrates believed that the written word was rubbish, but that didn’t stop Les Miserables, Pride and Prejudice, Great Expectations, and Fifty Shades of Gray from following. Ok, the last one was a joke to see if you were paying attention. The point being that communication is morphing along with technology. Love letters are timeless and will come with each technological development.

    Finally, I’m a love languages fan, so I have to talk about words of affirmation. This is my love language. My husband knows this, so he makes effort to meet my needs. The words come in many forms – sticky notes, texts, cards, and yes, social media posts. They make me feel giddy with happiness. Yes I like people to know I’m loved, sue me. I can tell you for sure that in our case, it’s a sign of working to make each other happy in a loving relationship.

    • I loved Fifty Shades of Gray! I am glad you are loved and that I can now sue you. Thank you Victoria! I appreciate your discussion on the great diversity of people and couples. That said, in order to have any discussion on human behavior at all, do we not generalize fully realizing the exceptions? Therefore I am not suggesting that everyone who posts “lovey dovey” “masspersonal” posts are suffering relationship woes, of course not. I am suggesting, that in my experience, I have found some fairly strong correlation between the two, albeit completely derived anecdotally. Hmmmmm…I wonder if this can be researched?? Perhaps something for your next honors project Victoria.

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