Hey Boomers and Gen Xers…STFU

As a fifty-something mid-lifer and a very late Baby Boomer and very early Generation Xer, I frequently find myself in the company of those within ten or so years of my age. It amazes me how many in this age bracket believe I am predominantly like-minded and share many of the same philosophies and ideas they do. They feel free to share their thoughts as if our matching ages will somehow automatically synchronize our opinions.

Wrong.

Perhaps the most prominent area of my opinion departure from many of my contemporaries concerns the judgment of the younger generation, namely the “dreaded” Millennials.

There are so many negative judgments freely and casually dispersed upon the Millennials I cannot keep track. According to many of us old farts, the Millennials are -entitled, lazy, selfish, assholes, narcissistic, rude, obtuse, fill-in-the-blank, etc… so much so it is to the extent they are oblivious to the necessary cultural skill set to be effective in contemporary society.

Please. To borrow texting shorthand from my beloved Millennials, STFU old people.

Many of my contemporaries fail to realize it is THEY who have changed, not the 20-something generation.

Standpoint theory suggests that we are constantly viewing life from where we stand and that stance is in constant flux as we age, travel, learn, and well, just live and love. It would seem from listening to the old farts that the first thing to go as we age is memory.

Hey boomers and gen Xers, remember what it was like to be 20? Remember having no direction or idea where you were headed? Remember thinking the world revolved around you? Remember all the dumbass stuff you did that you would love to take back? Remember what it was like to occasionally feel alone and isolated? Remember what it was like to search for identity?

If you want to look at our Millennials and have any critique whatsoever, that critique must be about US and the world WE created for this young generation. Perhaps they are entitled because we handed out participation trophies and heaped praise where none was earned. In our quest to build self-esteem in our children we built false delusions of hope where there was none.

So, old farts, every time you open your mouth and criticize the kids today, you are criticizing yourself. We are the ones that raised this generation so, I suppose you can say, we, as a village, were bad parents.

Yet, alas, I do not believe the Millennials are entitled, lazy, selfish, assholes, narcissistic, rude, obtuse, fill-in-the-blank, etc… at least not any more than we were at that age.

I love Millennials. I love nearly everything about them. Sure they look at their phones a lot, though frankly, not much more on any given day than I, and probably you, do. A good friend of mine, Paul, a high school teacher in Reno, recently stated they had a faculty meeting specifically to address the concern of students and their cellphone use in class. He told me the meeting was a miserable failure as most of the faculty was continually staring down at their phone and not paying attention.

Hypocrites.

I love to bask in the energy of youth and entertain their curiousness and lust for life. I love speaking with my students who may share a “brand new” revelatory idea with zeal and enthusiasm, yet I do not have the heart to tell them this idea was around when I was in school. And why should I tell them? I want them to discover life on their terms, not to mention how many times I have fallen victim to the same thing….remember temporalcentrism?

But wait Millennials, you don’t get off so easy. This next paragraph is for you.

tbh u all can be just as guilty af of old fart disease, or in your case aka yung fart disease, smh. some of u like to complain about todays children being rude or sittin on their tablets during family dinnr. well, tablets r nuthin new as we had em in the 70s. we also would stare at r private screens at the kitchen table during dinnr. they were called etch-a-sketches. so dont be a old fart at a yung age, rofl

(Please notice I never defended the texting-caused bastardization of the English language of Millennials…but I digress).

Imagine if it was socially acceptable to marginalize entire groups of people based solely on a demographic. Oh, wait, we have. Over the years the powerful have marginalized blacks, Jews, gays, and the list goes on -we call them racists, homophobes and anti-semites. Why is it now ok to marginalize one group based entirely on age? In a weird way, it somewhat like reverse age-ism.

So, please, old farts, just in the same way my white friends will not secretly whisper to me the problem with “the blacks” simply because we share our whiteness, please do not bore me and reveal your ignorance with your stereotyped opinions of the youth today….just cause I am around your age.  This criticism says far more about you and your ignorance than the youth and their “entitlements.”

Ily Millennials. And I suppose it would be good advice for ALL OF US, to take a break from our phones every now and then.

And STFU old farts. And be the AITR.

Domestic Abuse And Violence: You Just Never Know

There are a handful of principles by which I try very hard to live my life. A couple of these principles include always stopping for a child’s lemonade stand -no matter how busy- and not being allowed to ever get angry while driving. I have found these principles to serve me well and to always provide me a better perspective on life.

Another principle I try to live by is that you just never know what one is going through…so to always offer those around you the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps the person who just cut you off on the freeway was just diagnosed with cancer and is having a difficult time concentrating or the rude grocery store employee just found out their child has a severe learning disability.

You just never know.

When it comes to my students I try each and every class to extend the same attitude while concurrently holding up the fairly rigorous standards I have set for the course. As a human being, sometimes I fail in this regard and other times I succeed. I suppose that makes another life principle -to forgive myself when failing- to come in rather handy.

Several years ago I was teaching a summer course and had a student, Ginger, in my class who was quite charming and very talented. If one did not know better, you would assume this charming student lived a charmed life…and you would be wrong. I have recently reconnected with Ginger through Facebook and she just revealed to me her story. It is so powerful I feel the strong need to share it (with her permission) and allow it to inspire all those who may endure similar abusive situations in order to know that there is hope.

I wanted you to know the impact you had on my life. So many times people are quick to complain but so many times people do not take those same moments to thank others that have had a positive impact. I want you to know why you had such a great impact and so if you will permit me I would like to share a bit of my story.

I was married to a man for 16 years that had me convinced I was nothing and could be nothing and eventually I believed him and was emotionally broken. After my divorce, still broken, I was in a relationship with a man that physically broke me and went to prison charged with three felonies for what he did to me. I made an agreement to testify and in exchange the kids and I were relocated by the police and moved into our apartment with one bed for all three of us and a small suitcase of clothes. That was all. I was working 5 jobs and existing and surviving but not happy and not thriving.

I knew I wanted a better life and I thought going back to school was the answer but it had been 20 years since I was in school and I was scared and intimidated and didn’t think I could do it. (Mostly in part to the negative voices in my head that were still ever present).

But I took the leap and decided to enroll in a speech class. It was the last class I needed to transfer to CSUSB.

After trying unsuccessfully for a year to register for the class due to my enrollment status I took a chance and showed up to your class hoping against hope I could add the class. The first miracle happened when you drew my name and I was actually enrolled in the first step of my dream. The second came the day the class voted my speech as one of the best. I literally cried. You see that was validation from my peers. Not just the ones younger than me or my age group or older but over all they all thought I had done well. I was blown away and the seed of confidence and realization I could do this was planted.

The day I received the second trophy I was on top of the world. The seed had taken root and started to grow and I knew at that moment I could do anything.

I knew at that moment I was no longer a victim but I was a survivor.

Changing one word in your personal narrative may seem small and insignificant but to me it was life changing. You see victims are stuck and live a life of fear and dependency on others good will and support. Survivors on the other hand are strong and independent and create their own narrative however they see fit. And so that is what I did. I went full time to Cal State and full time to Crafton and Valley simultaneously taking 28 units. I also worked part time and still graduated magna cum laude. People would tell me what I did was impossible and I would tell them impossible is not a barrier but a challenge to achieve and surpass.

Since then I have not had the easiest of paths but I do not let anything deter me from my dreams or my goals. When an obstacle is placed in my way I just find other paths to get there. My motto in life now is to always be moving forward; to try new things, to constantly challenge myself. If it scares me than I know I need to do it.

So when you ask how I am doing I can honestly say I am doing Fantastic. And I can honestly say this life I now lead and this narrative I now live by is very much credited to you and your amazing ability to help others to believe we can do anything.

Well my kids are now 21 and 19. Idk how that happened cause I’m not old enough to have adult children. lol I graduated CSUSB and took a job as the Project Manager for Pulse Marketing who was named best Advertising Agency in the Inland Empire (totally true). When I was at CSUSB I was very, very poor and thought I might have to drop out or go part-time to pay for school. So I applied for scholarships. I received three and that was enough to keep me in school. One of them was the Jack Brown Scholarship (CEO of Stater Brothers) while I was working for Coyote advertising (a student run advertising agency on campus) and the radio director told me she needed a student to interview Jack Brown for Coyote radio. I asked if I could and she said of course. He was so ill we had to do the interview over the phone but during a recording break I was able to thank him and tell him how his scholarship helped to change my life. He was so happy to hear it and said the reason he gave so much to the college and the community was because his mother was a single mom and he loved to help single moms make their lives better. He said people that become wealthy usually leave the Inland Empire but not him. He believed in this community and felt we were all just as smart and all just as able as any Ivy League college but just needed people to believe in them. He was that man. A few weeks later he passed away and I was the last person to interview him.

I also took on the Disability sports festival and am now the marketing director and co-chair for the event. Currently I am in the process of creating VR that is adaptive. If we can do this we will be one of the first campuses to have created adaptive and assistive VR. I’m also on the board for Rolling start, American Advertising Federation.

I have taken up Cello this year and taking a graphic design class to improve my skills. Last Friday I won a gold, and a silver for the websites I created with Pulse and two bronze awards for my Disability sports festival and a solicitation piece. Felt pretty good to be recognized among the top agencies in the business. Made me feel like I’m legit. Lol. Here is the link to my video. It received over 15k views https://youtu.be/1LH8bsbS3qQ

Well I think I wrote a book lol. How are things with you? What inspired you to write your new textbook?

What inspired me? Are you serious? Ginger, you and any other students I have helped or can help in the future, consistently inspire me.

Blown. Away.

Thank you.

You just never know.